Thursday, August 22, 2013

Feeling Again

Feeling Again.

I felt happy, I felt sad too. I felt whole but then I felt broken all over again.
It's not that I regret anything I've done these days, but I'm glad that I can feel again.

There was this guy I met in chat, we started talking almost everyday for 28 days, and I liked him. I dunno, he was not my ideal kind of man, but I still liked him. He was a bad ass, no, he still is. He said he loved me. Yes, that's a bit weird, cause we haven't seen each other personally. But well, there's no harm done right? So there, until last night, he decided to just walk out my life, so I let him. I can't make him stay if that's not what he wants.

I can't feel anything today. Perhaps, I'm denying the hurt. I am sad. I am bothered. I was in infinitea with my friends, but my mood, it just isn't right. I was trying to look fine, I was trying to be okay, I was trying hard to smile. My smile isn't like the one I had that Sunday. My smile is a forced smile. My smile is just too ugly, too hard to make when all I really wanted was to frown, be sad.

He said that my dress looked good on me that Sunday. I don't know if that was true, but well, he did say that. He told me that there was something different, but in a good way, with my smile that day. I don't know if that was true either. But I better believe that, cause if it was sarcasm, I'd be killing him. lol.

He said he's grown tired of what we're doing - well, I guess talking all day, everyday, ever since we met. Who wouldn't? So he decided to just stop this thing going on between us. He just decided to stop. And I completely understand that. I'm just quite sad that I'll never be hearing from him again. I hope I'd hear from him again. Cause I'm missing him. And I hate missing someone.

Well, I can still see how he's doing in tumblr. That's quite nice. I think it will do. It's enough. Even though I stop speaking to him, well at least I can stay updated with his life, or his thoughts. He's a good friend. He is. Even though he's an ass and though his mind is full of crazy shit. I love him. Yes, I do. With that 28 days, I do love him for what he is.

I hope his nephew is doing fine. I love seeing that child. He's full of life and good vibes.

I think of him most of the time. I hope he does too. And I hope that he won't forget me, at the least. I hope he does well. I hope that for once in his life, I made a mark in it. I hope that he will remember a girl who had that shitty tolerance on his bad ass and who never grew tired of talking to him. I hope he'll remember me from time to time.

I am sad. But still, I'm happy. I'm happy that I met such a bad but lovely guy. :)