Ever since I had my first love, I slowly stopped drawing. It took most of my time - you know, all the flirting, the messages, the effort you do when you're in love is just so irreplaceable. I didn't realize that it would deteriorate my drawing skills, well in a way.
Arts was very close to my heart since birth, I dunno, I just love colors, shapes, lines, and patterns. I actually was Best in Art during my kindergarten years, LOL. And I improved as I grew up. I drew people (well, actually it was anime/manga people, not real ones) and they told me to pursue my dreams on becoming an artist.
In this section, I am sharing not only the love for drawing, but actually the love of art in a particular view which is Drawing because I am drawing. You can actually love art without having to draw. But this particular hobby, this one saved me personally. It may be different for others, but I can assure that one touch of art is enough to save you from your entire misery.
I have been learning to draw, mostly anime/manga-kind, since I was in grade school. I was so amazed by what I watch in TV and I try to copy them in my own interpretation. But I started to get busy in highschool, though I still draw sometimes. I, then, had the chance to meet someone whom I thought was good enough to give my heart to. So I invested my time for him. I wasted almost four to five years for that one person who would actually break my heart.
Then I started drawing again, in the effort to release my anger or my emotions through it. In a way, it helped me take my mind off the emotions during the time I was drawing, and maybe it actually is helpful for me to draw since I am being satisfied in it. I drew this doodle on a napkin. It was from Starbucks, and I kept the napkin and drew out a doodle. It was the first doodle I ever made. It was made of the things I love to go to, to do, and to see.
This one I drew on a notebook. It was during my college years, but I'm not quite sure when exactly. I think I was bored in class, so I drew this hair, the braided one, coz I wanted to learn how to braid.
Well, it occurred to me that drawing what I actually want to do helps in some ways. People encourage me to continue what I do, when I never realized it. I did so, thought it was rare for me to draw when I was in my first relationship. I drew us in complete innocence with what happens next.
So after a heartbreak, actually during the heartbreak, I attempted to draw my feelings out. It really felt sad, terrifying, and I just wanted to die in so much misery. I thought I cannot take it anymore so I drew out that I was hurting, confused, wanting to scream, soul-less. I drew self-portraits of I what I thought I am.
Sometimes, I drew things that were good enough a symbol of what I was feeling during the moment. I drew a vase with flowers and falling petals in an attempt to convey letting go, and I drew a mad eye well, to impose that I am mad to see or to witness such a tragedy in my life. The one in the bottom is an allegory of my life, from innocence to a relationship to its dangers and its end, to the future I once dreamed of, and the want to return to where it all began, to undo all the things I've done in my life.
I started to draw women. I dunno, I guess to empower myself. I mean, I'm a woman you see? And I was meant to be beautiful. I also drew a woman in its bed n the morning wide awake, which is so me in many ways. I portrayed a picture of an insomniac probably because it was hard for me to sleep in all those past lurking behind me.
Then I started to untangle my feelings with my drawings. I drew abstract things out of simple matter that I thought of. Although it always has a deeper reason for me to do it.
This one I drew out of rage, I was mad and I didn't know what to draw. It looks like an angry wolf, is it not? Hahaha! Well, at least after I had my rage died down, it kinda makes it funny to think of it. I was becoming an animal with such a rage!
This was far from planned drawing. My pen blotted ink too much so I just decided to make a blot art. XD Mind you, it's the ink of Pilot's G-tec. It's ink is priceless, but I had no choice rather than to completely throw it away, at least I used its ink for art. :)
This hobby has finally developed into deeper interest in arts. Now, I want to do watercolour painting, then acrylic after. I think I would be doing more portraits, and landscapes. Or maybe still life.
Personal interests aside, this whole drawing hobby is a lot of fun! I mean, it developed itself over time. It helped me find my way home (I mean, I lost myself before.. I didn't know who I was anymore, but I know I love art so it led me back to where my heart was once and there I found happiness) It might be a good flatter for your lost, self-pitying soul, like mine. It became my defense mechanism from all the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the loss, the pity. It made me gain self-confidence once more. With it, I knew I was better if I just had known what to do. I wish I had just taken fine arts in school. Maybe I would've been better than what I am now!
This is the one thing I would always share with others. This is what defines me. Arts, Drawing, Shapes, Lines, Patterns, Colors.
I would definitely blog if I have improved with it! :)
